As my children have grown older, I have attempted to encourage discussion about our days using the familiar growth mindset framework of “bud, rose, and thorn.” It is occasionally successful, particularly after a fun-filled day at summer camp, where there are few unpleasantries, or “thorns,” other than being in the hot sun or waiting too long to be picked up. Fostering discussion about the “bud,” or areas with potential, has been more challenging, particularly when I try to tie it into conversations about perseverance and grit and more challenging pursuits such as gymnastics. Though unsuccessful at times, I think pushing for these bigger conversations is still important, particularly if parents can volunteer a challenge they are currently working through.
While “bud, rose, and thorn” is an excellent exercise for growing families, have you heard about “glimmers”? According to USA Today, a “glimmer” is when you identify a small moment that sparks a feeling of happiness, joy, or peace. While I certainly have these moments during my day, once I started identifying them to myself more clearly, I felt my feelings of happiness and gratitude surge.
Sharing the concept of the glimmer with family and hearing their responses has been incredibly heartfelt. My mom commented that now that she is retired and has more free time, she sees glimmers all day long, particularly when she notices variations in the clouds in the sky. And now that we are a few months past our original conversation, saying the word glimmer has given us a shorthand to point out and share the awe we can feel in the everyday. This conversation with my mom was a great reminder that some of these “parenting” questions are not just for young families but are multi-generational and offer excellent opportunities to connect in a new way.